Growing up, we swear we won’t be like our parents. We tell ourselves we’ll never raise our kids doing the same things they did to us. Then, when we have kids, we justify everything we do saying “Well I did that growing up and I turned out okay.” So I guess our upbringing wasn’t all that bad. Sometimes we go to our parents for advice on how to raise our own babies—other times, we tell them to butt out or follow our rules. I propose that moms and dads need to go easy on our parents. For one thing, we should be pretty grateful that they’re around to experience this with us —and also because, while this may not be their first time on the parent merry-go-round, the grandparent one is just as perplexing. They’re learning the ropes, just like we are, so let’s cut them some slack!
If you are someone who is used to being self-sufficient, get prepared to receive help.If you have friends and family who want to be there for you, make a list of things that you need and see if they are prepared to help you do these things for a short while whilst you get used to your new role as parents.
It’s hard, particularly with multiples, to have time to bond with each baby. Try not to forget how special this time is for you and your family, and try to make some quiet time to treasure your new addition(s). Getting enough sleep is key in this regard.
Before babies there was a partnership in which you and your partner were both nurtured and each other’s top priority. Once the babies arrive you may find that they are the only ones getting nurtured! This is a pitfall that is difficult to avoid. There are going to be sacrifices that you and your partner are both going to have to make that you won’t expect. Some advice: recognize that this will probably be the case for several months and try to help each other as much as possible. Your new bond is that of “team parent” and this can strengthen your relationship in ways you can’t foresee. It’s something to go on when you don’t seem to have any time for each other in the first few months. Try to keep your sense of humour intact and everything should be fine.
You are physically and mentally exhausted, you may not feel too attractive under that housecoat/sweat pants/yesterday’s clothes and you probably missed your daily shower. Not only that but you may be feeling quite sensitive about your weight or appearance post-delivery. Not exactly a recipe for romance! Your hormones are all over the place and may take awhile to readjust – loss of libido is very normal after pregnancy. Just know that you are not alone.
Breastfeeding takes a lot of commitment. It seems to happen painlessly in concept, but in reality it takes practice and perseverance. Make sure you get all the help you can from lactation consultants in the hospital, and know how to access one from home if you still need advice. Some public health units have lactation consultants on hand that you can consult with for free. If this is not the case in your community, you can consider hiring a lactation consultant that will visit you in your home. Don’t be discouraged – difficulty breastfeeding seems to be the biggest problem experienced by the women at mom group so know that you are not alone. Try not to be anxious about it because anxiety effects your production; the more relaxed you are the better things will be.
Your Public Health Nurse will probably strongly suggest that you attend your local weekly group meeting, and this is good advice. The group setting we’re familiar with is an informal, relaxed atmosphere where everyone sits on a gym mat playing with their babies and getting acquainted with other moms. If the group is run by the local health unit, there will be a nurse there to answer questions and who will have a scale available for you to weigh your baby. Mom group is an excellent outlet for questions (many of which other mums will have) on things like breastfeeding, teething, sleeping issues and first foods. The age range of the babies is typically from two weeks to nine months old, so moms with more ‘experience’ or who have already gone through some of these things may have good advice too.
There are lots of products available but here are a few of the critical things you’ll probably need for baby’s carewhen you come home:
acetaminophen suspension for infants – for fevers or if needed after vaccinations
antibiotic ointment – for control of wound infections
batteries – for all of the baby equipment!
calamine lotion – for heat rash or sunburn
diapers/diaper wipes
gentle baby wash/shampoo
gripe water – good for fussy babies who need to get a burp up
hand sanitizer – it’s good to have one by each sink for visitors to use
hydrogen peroxide – helps keep the umbilical stump clean
silicone skin cream – good for preventing diaper rash
vaseline – keeps moisture in and soothes skin
vitamin D drops dietary supplement – breastfed babies require daily 400 IU for one year
You may consider creating an emergency contact list to have handy in the event of an emergency.
It is a good idea to write a draft birth plan to discuss with your doctor prior to delivery (at around 32 weeks), fine tune it and pack a few copies in your hospital bag to give to the attending staff. In your summary you will discuss what type of birth you want, what type of pain relief and your general preferences and expectations.