I’ve been doing a fair bit of self-improvement reading of late and love when the universe send me messages to reinforce the work I am doing. This press release ended up in my inbox and I typically re-write, interview and do loads of extra work to give readers fully unique content, but this piece was so wonderful we didn’t want to change a thing. Hope you enjoy it as much as we did!
Difficult relationships are far more than a nuisance; they can cause anxiety, burnout, clinical depression and even physical illness. Healthy relationships at work can propel you to great heights of achievement; dysfunctional or toxic ones will tether you to mediocrity. When we mismanage relationships, the fall-out affects productivity and quite possibly our ability to advance. Your social and interpersonal success depends on your ability to set the kinds of boundaries that encourage mutual respect.
Every relationship you have influences you. There are no neutral relationships; each one lifts you up or weighs you down. They move you forward or hold you back. They help you or they hurt you. When you know how to handle relationships appropriately, it will make the difference between a fulfilling work life or one that is riddled with disappointment, failure, and regret.
Setting Boundaries with Toxic People
One of the best ways to deal with unhealthy people is to set boundaries. Healthy boundaries keep frustration and confusion low. Boundaries remind people of what is acceptable to you and what is reasonable to expect from you. Boundaries prevent unhealthy people from taking up too much of your time, energy, or resources – all precious commodities. Be warned, toxic people don’t like boundaries because they want to shift responsibilities according to their mood. They will not set the boundaries for you.
Here are 4 ways you can set boundaries:
- Manage Your Time. Set a limit on the amount of time you spend beyond the hours needed to be around teh toxic individual. Rigidity douses the flames of collegiality but blurred lines lead to confusion and frustration.
- Express Yourself. Reveal aspects of your personality that will reinforce your values. Sometimes it’s a matter of letting people in a little bit to help keep your boundaries intact.
- Play Your Part. Everyone plays a role: the victim, the brown-noser, the star, the slacker, the go-to guy. Build your reputation, and do it carefully and consistently. It’s important that others know what you stand for and what to expect from you. Then, don’t waiver.
- Change the Conversation. Hanging out or working close quarters or for long periods of time sometimes blur the lines. Here are suggested words to say to help you stay focused and away from nonproductive behavior: “Let’s focus on finishing the task at hand instead of the latest gossip so we can get home.”
7 Tale-Tell Signs of a Toxic Relationship
How to know? You’re in a toxic relationship when they:
- Stifle your talent and limit your opportunities for advancement
- Twist circumstances and conversations to their benefit
- Chide or punish you for a mistake rather than help you correct it
- Remind you constantly or publicly of a disappointing experience or unmet expectation
- Take credit or withhold recognition for new ideas and extra effort
- Focus solely on meeting their goals and do so at your expense
- Fail to respect your need for personal space and time
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Field expert Van Moody is the author of The People Factor (an upcoming release by publisher Thomas Nelson) and a motivational speaker who advises on matters related to relationships as they pertain to friends, family, significant others and the workplace. He is a “People Scholar” who helps others build their “Relational IQ” to achieve success at home, in their social circles, and in business. He may be reached online at www.vanmoody.com.
1 Association for Psychological Type International, APTI
Whenever I see Oil of Olay I think of my grandmother. Her skin was perfect and smooth and I always wanted to smell like her. During a tour of the Procter and Gamble archives I was thrown back in time as I saw the exact bottles that graced her dresser. And the Pampers that I would have worn as a baby. The Tide my mom used as I lay in a laundry basket as a toddler while she folded and watched ‘Soaps’. The company began in 1837 by William Procter, a candlemaker, and James Gamble, a soapmaker.
When you have the opportunity to travel with just one child, magic things can happen. As a huge fan of Canadian history, I chose to stay at the Fairmont Palliser on a recent mom-son trip to Calgary.
The highlight of the whole experience was the gold floor lounge. At the top of the hotel, it mixed tradition with new cuisine and comfort. The hors d’oeuvres in the evening were not only kid-friendly, but delicious and healthy. My son was able to mix his favourite concoction of juices (in a wine glass) and grinned at the stunning view as snow fell in the heart of the city.
Today Kelsey Serwa took Silver at the Sochi Olympics in ski snowcross, and I am willing to bet the Bullwheel at Big White Resort is packed already. Kelsey’s grandfather was a founder of 
Last month I visited the resort with Kimberly Clayton-Blaine to film a 
Carnival nights happen twice per week, where kids can play games and do fun musical activities in the VCM. It felt as if the entire staff of the resort is involved somehow, and they live to get smiles from the children. The Loose Moose made an appearance when we were there and the children squealed. He’s just as recognizable to them as Mickey Mouse!
Many a lunch, dinner and apres ski were spent at The Bullwheel. Al Reid is one of the most personable managers I have ever met. Plus he serves Nova Scotia donairs making The Bullwheel the only place outside of Halifax that makes them correctly. (Believe me – I’m a conoisseur.) During our visit, Al and other fun-loving gentlemen had flooded an area at the top of the mountain and staged a hockey game on Hockey Day in Canada in order for skaters at Big White to play the ‘Highest Hockey Game in Canada’. Lovely, crazy and wonderful.
What a winter we have had! But the cold should not keep Canadian families indoors. Bundle up, get outside and get physically active every day with one of our 10 outdoor winter activities for kids. Why? Because active play is essential to every child’s physical, cognitive, emotional and social development—even in winter. Unfortunately, one study shows Canadian kids spend only three hours per week playing actively in the winter, compared to four and a half hours in summer. (via 
I am horrible with money. I don’t like talking about it, negotiating or thinking about it. I come from a family who was fixated on saving and gifting money. Fights over who pays the bill at brunch and then the expectation of endless thank yous made me tempted to skip the meal in the first place. I know I’m an ostrich and want savings made simple, but really, I shouldn’t blame anyone but myself. I’m certainly not setting a good example for the kids with my avoidance.