Why are we so hard on ourselves? When did weight become so debilitating that it can actually change the way we live our life? Talking to people about the #MommyFit 2011 Competition I have learned that many people who are unhappy with their weight actually avoid social situations as they are uncomfortable in a room of “thinner people!”
So we nearly at the end and I am still struggling. I asked for help, something I’ve never been great at, but Mama-hood has many things to teach me, and I wish I had asked sooner. We simplified the meal plan to something I can handle and share with Tiger Cub, and while I still try to get in a workout here and there, I have a goal of being active with the baby at least once a day. When I started this journey I really didn’t think it would be so difficult or take so long, often it’s felt like walking on sand; sliding back a little each step, so a mile feels like five. I’m glad I did this now, because the support I received was really incredible and made it so that I didn’t give up. Also getting a good grasp on what my challenges are has helped me to find ways to overcome them. I’m by no means done either, it’s probably going to take 16 more weeks to get to where I want to be, but I feel like I have the tools to get me there.
This week I went to a little park near our house with my daughter, we never go there because there is no swing for little ones, only a tire and the slide is big but she’s getting bigger and I thought, why not. There is a little grassy hill and Coco was running down and I was running after her, it was perfect blue sky, the sun was warm and the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. She was laughing so hard as I ran behind her, she loves being chased, I caught her and threw her in the air, she was delighted, nothing beats kids laughter and squeals. I turned around while hugging her and looked up the little hill over her shoulder at the cherry blossoms trees and the park bench, I was suddenly overcome with so much joy and happiness my eyes welled up and I couldn’t control the tears. Last year at this time I was finally recovering from serious postpartum depression.
Okay so this week gets a 5 out 7. I began the week with a lot of determination and renewed intention, I was making the meals, doing the workouts – even some extra. But Friday night I fell apart, got lazy and ate a crappy dinner. Then Saturday I let myself snack on junk food and I had no energy to do anything. It amazes me how little it takes to send my energy plummeting, and yet when I was doing more the exercise and healthy food was giving me energy.
You know the one I’m talking about… the one that doesn’t allow you to buy new clothes when your child is asking for a bike? The one that makes you cancel the babysitter because the baby is teething?
Or how about the one that makes you sleep on the couch when the kids have had a bad dream and there’s no room left in your bed?
Yep, that’s the one. GUILT.
Week five is rolling to an end and I only have three weeks left to obtain my goals and win #MommyFit2011! This is scary considering how unmotivated I have been this week! However, wouldn’t you know that THIS is the week that everyone says how great I look and what a big difference I’ve made?! There really is no time to be unmotivated – I made the “mistake” of telling literally hundreds of people that I was a finalist for Mommy Fit 2011. Therefore, whether I go to work, my son’s school, my son’s daycare, my sister’s house, even online, someone, somewhere is asking me “How is it going?” “It” being the Mommy Fit weight loss challenge. These people are definitely keeping me accountable whether they are in Hawaii (private Facebook messages and encouragements from my bestie), at my sibling’s house (“that shirt looks so much better on you now!) or at their desk (“what plan are you on, I think I need to start it!”).
I ended last week full of intentions, plans and the determination to succeed. I went grocery shopping, prepared my lunch for Monday, kissed my children good night and went down for a full night’s rest before the alarm went off at six for my workout. Then… IT happened. The mother of all de-railers – the FLU.