Some say that children can be the best birth control. Combine a long-term marriage and some kids and most couples hit that impact point when they are wondering exactly what happened to their sex life.  Studies show, hands down, that a great sex life improves a relationship – and lack thereof can undermine it. Believe it or not, it really doesn’t take much to get your sex life back on track. Here are a few ideas to get you going in the right direction:

1)    Get the clutter out – Unclutter that bedroom and add some romantic ambience like candles and flowers that give off a sensual aroma. Clutter in the bedroom can be more distracting than you think when it’s time to toss around in the sack. (In addition, uncluttering the bedroom will also create a space where you can go and de-stress.)  Evaluate your use of technology in bed as well.  Texting your partner a ‘goodnight’ could indicate a problem.  Many couples have nightly affairs with laptops and iPads.  Discuss the impact of these devices with your partner and set reasonable limits as a team.  If you find that you’re working on a laptop in the bedroom and can’t make the switch over to intimacy, you may need to ban them from your sanctuary altogether.

2)    Set “intimate time” – Busy lifestyles can completely override the necessity of establishing “intimate time” with your other half. Even if it’s only two nights a week, after the children go to bed, make sure that you spend time watching a movie and cuddling. You never know where it could lead…

3)    Sexting – In the era of cell phones and texting, it only takes a moment to send a sexy message to spark things up. You could even set up a “date” for later that evening to get together. And, if you really want to get your man going, send a sexy pic along with the text message.

4)    Shave or wax “down there” – Step your sexiness up a notch by grooming “down there”. You don’t have to go completely bare…anything different can be more appealing to your man than you know.  (You can ask your esthetician about landing strips, hearts or even the (gasp) Brazilian.  Or you could get creative with the logo of his Stanley Cup playoff pick..

5)    Slip into bed naked – Whether you are the first in the bed or you crawl in bed next to him, give him a little treat. If you’re lying in bed naked when he climbs in, he’ll not only be surprised, but you may be in for a good night of sleep when it’s all said and done. If you climb into bed naked while he is settling in, his double-take could feed your ego too. It’s no secret that men are visually stimulated.  Just the fact that you are naked could get the old engine revving.

6)    Start with a kiss – Simply greeting your husband and giving him some love and tenderness after he comes through the door could set a spark. Remind him (and yourself) that you’re still that loving, sweet person that he was intimate with before the kids and he’ll adore you even more.

7)    Buy some new “stuff” – No, don’t run out and buy something for yourself. Buy something for the both of you, like some sweet smelling lubricating jelly or massage oil to start things off. Present it to your other half with a devious smile on your face and a promise to “get together” later on to try the gift out.

Of course you are both tired and busy, but keeping the intimacy and sex in your life will ensure a healthy, long-lasting relationship. (It really needn’t be an all-night thing.  Even 5 minutes can do wonders).  You will never regret sparking that fire up again.  And if all else fails, just remember that it’s kind of like going to the gym.  You may not want to go, but you’re always glad you did.  And each workout begets a desire for another.

Jill Amery

Jill Amery is a mom of 2 small boys and the Publisher of UrbanMommies, a stylish digital lifestyle magazine filled with fitness, style, health, recipes and savvy mom advice to help you through pregnancy, birth, and raising your kids.

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