You have kids and you want to be a part of everything they do. You want to see all of their “firsts” and you want to be the one to experience life with them. For some moms, that involvement may end once they get to be school-aged. For others though, there is still the pull to stay involved as their kids go through school. This finds us at the crossroads of yet another “mommy war.” I’m talking about the moms who choose to be actively involved with their kids’ school vs. the ones who think that this is a colossal waste of time: the PTO Mommy Wars.

Being Involved Or Not Is A Personal Decision

Some moms choose not to be involved because it’s not their thing. There is no excuse needed, and yet some moms may feel guilt or pressure to do something when they’re really not all that interested. You’ll find that there’s always the underlying discussion that moms are busy, and we all are, without a doubt.  The mommy wars set in here when the uninvolved moms start to ridicule the moms that they think are way too involved… or vice versa. There’s no right or wrong here, but the lines are drawn very early and they stick.

There are the moms who will be at every single class party that exists. They will be the ones who organize the food and the activities to make sure the kids have fun. These are often the same moms who may serve on the PTO board or are involved in some of the committee work. The involved moms can be obsessive, but they also get things done.

Mutual Understanding Can Get Us A Long Way

I personally have received a lot of negative feedback for being involved in my kids’ school. I am not the mom up at school cutting my kids food. I am also not the mom pushing other moms out of the way to present my latest Pinterest creation for the holiday party. I’m not an obsessive mom, though based on some of the comments and digs, people might think I’m one.

Maybe, just maybe, people like me are involved because they like giving back and they recognize that the school needs good volunteers. There may be no motivation other than the fact that these moms enjoy doing it and know that it helps the school. I am the mom who has a knack for organization and volunteering. I love giving back, and if it’s for the sake of my kids’ school, then I’m thrilled with that. It benefits the school community, it gets things done, and it’s good for my kids to see that I’m involved in a certain capacity. I know it won’t always be this way, but for now it’s a mutually beneficial thing.

I often wonder why it has to be so hard for us to get along, but I think it’s just another offshoot of the mommy wars. We may not always understand each other, but we just need to stop putting each other down. If you want to be involved, I commend you. If you don’t want to be involved, then that’s your personal business, and I respect that.

We should be building each other up and nobody should be judging the level of involvement each of us has in our kids’ school. You give what you can or what you choose to, and that’s up to you to decide. Hopefully we’ll all get to a point where the involved moms aren’t put down, and the uninvolved moms don’t feel pressure.

Mommy wars like this need not exist, and maybe we’ll see that someday.


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PTO Mommy Wars don't need to exist. Moms who have the time to volunteer at school help get things done. No guilt required from other busy moms!