The arrival of spring means that a lot of beautiful things are about to bloom. It also means that some not-so-beautiful things are about to arrive as well… I’m talking about every lawn’s enemy: weeds. We have have a cringe-worthy abundance of these, but I’ve figured out how to make the best of the situation and how you can to. What I’m suggesting is a weed bouquet. Sound hideous? Maybe! But as far as decorative experiments go, this is quite cost-effective. In fact…completely free.
Be warned: making a bouquet out of weeds is extremely challenging. It takes patience and quite a bit of practice, wink wink. However, if you persevere and follow the ten steps below very carefully, you just might get the hang of it.
1. First, as spring begins to emerge, do not do a thing to your yard. Sit on your front porch and make statements, like, “Wow, I can’t believe spring is already here.” And: “Things sure are growing fast.” Laconically sip some coffee, wine, or lemonade. “I guess we’ll have to start dealing with the lawn and the garden…” Sigh a few times.
2. Continue sitting and wonder: what makes a weed a weed? What is the official difference between a weed and a flower? After all, some weeds are ugly and others aren’t half bad. For example, I’m pretty sure these little white flowering numbers are weeds. They have rather aggressively sprouted by the rocks that line our driveway:
On the other hand, I’m not so sure about these – they seem pretty enough to qualify as flowers – the little petals are so shiny they seem to be covered in glossy paint. However, the way they have come up in the middle of the lawn is somewhat suspicious:
3. Once you have gotten up out of your chair, stay alert, keep your eyes open, bend your knees. Case in point: I didn’t see this curly chive until I was on my hind quarters snapping photos of the weeds, above. But he made my day. Literally, I could have just gotten in bed then, because I knew things couldn’t possibly get better from there. (Would it be weird to put this in your lapel for the day, or work it into your hair-do? I considered it.)
4. Say to yourself, either silently or aloud: “Maybe some of those would look good in a vase.”
5. Run and grab your scissors from the kitchen junk drawer. But obviously, don’t run once you have them in your hands.
6. DO NOT cut these for your weed bouquet – these are not weeds. Do stop to smell them, though – their scent is wonderful – your nostrils will thank you.
7. Likewise, make sure you don’t accidentally include poison ivy. That could be painful. And weed bouquets can be awkward, even uncomfortable, but they shouldn’t cause out-right pain.
8. Rummage around your house for a vase worthy of weeds. I chose the light bulb-shaped vase I purchased from my friend Suzanne’s etsy vintage shop, Selected and Collected. . (It arrived in the mail with a nice note and these adorable paper flowers.)
9. Then, dig deep and make contact with your inner flower arranger.
10. Commence bragging. Say things like, “Voila! Here is my weed bouquet!” and flourish your arm with theatrical aplomb. Because, really, is there anything more noteworthy than making something beautiful out of something most people revile? I, for one, believe there is truly no better way to celebrate spring.
Previously published at The Home Tome.
Jocelyn Jane Cox is a mother, a figure skating coach, and a nap-time writer with a weird penchant for decorative mushrooms. She is the author of The Homeowner’s Guide to Greatness and blogs about the adventures of parenting and home-ownership at The Home Tome. She can also be found on Twitter and Facebook.