I’ve always just been the girl that had separate pockets of women that I connect with – some far away and some that live close. Some of them are from the workplace, and some are parents from school. More often now, many women I know have a larger circle of online friends. We may not be Snapchat-ting all day like our kids, but these online friends are just a quick text away.
These are the friends that you can ask for advice, share funny jokes with and sometimes commiserate together. These can be equally as important actual BFF’s from long ago – and I know for many busy working women, these little interactions fill the friendship cup just as much as talking on the phone used to do.
And then there are some friends that I am no longer acquainted with. Our lives parted for one reason or another: maybe hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or just that our lives or interests grew apart. Friendships are like marriages – it takes hard work, communication, and a little bit of luck + timing to make it work. Break-ups are hard, because no one likes feeling like they made an enemy. At the same time, usually there is a valid reason for parting ways, and the only thing to do is to move on.
Now that I am in my 40’s, I’ve been through this a few times – regrettably a couple more than I would like. But I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way. Here are some points to remember if you are trying to survive breaking up with your BFF:
Never regret the fun times you had.
Those bottles of wine you shared, or late night conversations probably made for some great memories. Look back at them fondly, as I’m certain they helped shape who you are today.
Some friendships aren’t meant to last forever.
You friendship served a purpose for a time and then it became obvious that it was time to move on. Go forward in peace – no slandering – as it is really just part of life.
Deleting each other on social media isn’t a slam.
It can be painful to see your former friend’s pictures and good times with their family. Sometimes it’s simply better to make a clean break. Don’t take it too personally.
Your kids/husbands can still be friends.
This can be awkward but I do believe that the other people in our lives can remain friends. My kids have had faded friendships with other kids and yet I have maintained friendships with their mamas. It takes work, but it’s possible.
You will find another bestie and so will they.
You no longer have things in common with your former BFF, but there are plenty of people that you will find camaraderie with. There is probably another partner-in-crime right under your nose. It is just time to have fun with a new friend.
Wish them well and move on. And start taking applications for a new BFF!